I have been a mother for almost nine months now but the experience has been life changing.
I am once a free spirited, random and unbounded woman. I get to go out whenever I like, with whoever I want to be with and to wherever I want to go. I am a regular guest of bars and other leisure house every weekends. I get to travel almost every week to places I want to visit. Everyday always ends with satisfaction and height of enjoyment for I was only thinking about what makes me happy, about me, myself and I.
Ever since my son came, I had drastic lifestyle change. I don't get to party and get alcohol high all night long. I don't get to spend so much time just to hang out, chill and talk about almost everything with my girlfriends. I don't get to go home late from an unplanned road trip. Not to mention, I don't get to have a day of intimacy with my other half for there already came an angel depending everything on me to live, my son. Since he came, I have been busy attending to all his needs. I have embraced motherhood both with an open heart and at the same time fear.
I am happy being blessed with a son as beautiful as Cean Drei. He has continuously given me the drive to never entertain complains about my backaches, sleepless nights, thrown tantrums, depression, broken heart and the list goes on. Just to see him grow each day gives me the fulfillment that I did great raising him. Just to see him smile and giggle sweeps away all my exhaustion. He consumes me and my entirety.
Yes, I also fear being a full-time mom not only because he is my first child and I don't have all the know-how's dealing with such a fragile creature but also because I fear that I may not be the best mom he deserves. I mean, I still feel some insecurity being a mom at a young age that I may not be able to go out and practice my profession by the time he can be left at another's care, that I may not be able to provide all my son's needs in pursuing all his dreams and aspirations as he grows learning more about the world, and a lot more. All summed up, I fear that I may not meet all the demands that a mother should be able to provide to her child. If that would be the case, it would really crush me to the bone.
But hey! It's too early to tell. Every single day is a unique learning experience and with that I get to grow and be more mature towards everything. Since I have embraced motherhood with open arms, my son taught me one of life's greatest lessons which is patience. He has taught me how to be patient that I was able to take one step at a time, that I don't get to force to do things not meant to be done at this time, that I don't get to enjoy now for it is certain that all my sacrifices today will bear fruit tomorrow.
Thank you my dear, Cean Drei for being my source of strength and determination. You are my life now. If all else fails, I know I have you, next to God. I love you, always, forever.
